Where to Begin?

As I sat on the rock ledge watching the falcons hunting for their meal, pondering my life and what had gotten me to this point, I realized that life -- my life -- was to be lived, savored, enjoyed to the fullest. But how to begin to live again after over 20 years of not living, of hiding and being afraid, of not realizing I deserved to be happy and to enjoy life?

It was a year ago June when I took myself away from my home and family to do some soul-searching in the mountains, the place where my mind and spirit could rest and connect with the world around me. I was awakening to the fact that I was miserable in my life and in my relationships, but didn't know why or how to fix it. I hiked through the mountains, letting the peace and beauty calm my spirit, climbing to the summit to sit on the edge of the rock face, breathing in the clean air, watching the birds dive and the clouds lift. One word kept repeating itself in my brain .... Freedom. This was freedom, to live, to breathe, to experience the world, not to be trampled by it. Freedom was what I craved, what I desired more than anything.

When I came off of that mountain I was awake, I was alive....and I was scared for I did not know how to find that sense of freedom I so wanted. I knew, however, that I was ready to start the journey of discovery, to find myself again. And I knew that learning to love myself, and admit and accept that I was deserving of love, would be the hardest journey I would ever take.